


Being President Isn't That Boring

by PuddleofNegativity



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, How Do I Tag, I Wish I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Improper Use of American flag, Lapdance, M/M, Maybe a Crossover?, no drunk sex, no regrets, sns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 11:21:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11919837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuddleofNegativity/pseuds/PuddleofNegativity
Summary: You're allowed to party a little after you save the world right? As long as it doesn't leak to the press.In which Tony Stark, Captain America, and the President party a little too hard.





	Being President Isn't That Boring

**Author's Note:**

> This is shameless self-indulgence but for all you crazies that are also interested in stovebama (Stark, Steve, Obama) here's a little gift. I'm sorry for the constant name switching it it's probably confusing. 
> 
> This is unedited so be prepared.

   With a mind numbing hangover and an extreme series of flashbacks from the night before Tony Stark ran to pray for mercy from the gods of the toilet bowl. Kneeled in front of his Savior he confessed his sins in the form of vomit and vowed never to drink again.

* * *

 

**White House**

**The Night Before**

   Parties at the White House were supposed to be classy and civilised but when you’ve just saved the world who really gives a damn what happens as long as it doesn't leak to the press? At least this was Stark’s mindset after any victory and a few glasses of champagne. Everyone else seemed to agree including The President and The Captain. The two figureheads of America and biggest sticks in the mud ever were playing a game of strip poker and losing terribly. The Captain had already lost both of his shoes and his shirt and the President wasn't far behind. Sam slammed down his cards as the President folded a hand that could've gotten Natasha to take off her shirt.

" Ah come on man you had the perfect hand. I wanted to see some tits!" Sam’s outburst brought attention from many party goers but Tony Stark was focused on another point of interest at the poker table. The president slowly unbuttoned his shirt almost as if he were teasing America’s apple pie across the table from him. Tony from across the room and The Captain watched dumbstruck by the surprisingly well built figure of Barack Obama. The president caught Tony’s eye and shot him a sly wink. Tony’s jaw dropped and he swallowed heavily, tapping at the bar to get the bartender’s attention.

 " Three Mind Erasers." He ordered continuing to stare. The bartender nodded and went off to make the drinks and take other orders. When he came back with the drinks Tony left a $50 bill on the counter and made his way over to the poker table. "A toast for saving the world?" Tony handed the drinks to the two half naked men. Sam glared at them from across the table and Natasha laughed.

 " We helped save the world too ya’know." Sam grumbled and trudged off after he was dutifully ignored by the three men making sultry eyes at each other. Natasha laughed and gathered up the cards; the game obviously over, at least with these players. She waved over Bruce, Wanda, and Vision to start up an easy game for herself. That is if no one cheated she thought loudly hoping the scarlet witch would hear. 

 "Hey Cinderella, Aurora, and Tiana go take your doe eyes somewhere else. Some people are actually trying to play cards here." Tony grinned ready to throw a snarky comeback but it came out in slurred words and giggles. Obama drew Stark’s attention back to him and the Captain.

" You guys wanna see the oval office? We could roll around all night." The president shot the two men another suggestive wink. Tony ordered another round of Mind Erasers and nodded, eyeing the two half naked men with a sly grin. The Captain snorted and giggled.

" Iss funny cuz te room es rownd." If the other two men weren't as equally intoxicated they would’ve taken this as cue to slow down on the alcohol and not do anything drastic. Instead they took the shots and pranced off giggling towards the President’s infamous oval office. The rest of the avengers wondered if they should be concerned but ultimately decided that the three men could handle themselves.

* * *

 

**The Oval Office**

  The three men were definitely not handling themselves. Obama busted open the doors of the simple Americanized office and the other men acted like they'd been invited to heaven. Tony immediately bounced into the spinny office chair and pretended to be president- because obviously have was the most qualified of the three. The Captain and The President showered him in praises of ‘Mr. President’ this and ‘Mr. President’ that. Tony basked in the glory while spinning in his new favorite chair.

  " Mr. President what can we do for you today?" The Captain leaned on the desk and fluttered his eyelashes at him. Obama copied the pose on the opposite side of Stark.

 " Yes, how can we possibly repay you for saving the world?" The true president swooned. Tony turned his chair dramatically towards the window scratching his chin as if he were making an important decisions. There were so many things he could make these gorgeous men do as the president of the United States. He pondered the thought as long as his drunken brain could handle and turned back to the two men with a serious look on his face. The two were not paying attention to him, gushing over their matching American flag socks. Tony cleared his throat and slotted his fingers together.

 " I decree that for my wonderful accomplishments as president you will strip to your knickers and parade me through the halls of the grand White House in this chair." Tony nodded at the end of his sentence with finality as if he had made a grand address. The Captain and President Obama grinned at each other and quickly removed their pants showing off their matching American flag boxer briefs. Tony noticed their matching red white and blue bulges and filed it away for later use. The two men dragged the chair out in the hall chanting ‘All hail Mr. President.’ and pretending to be happy parade goers as Stark princess waved the whole way down the hall. With just the two men praising him "president" Stark came up with a new demand. A demand that only made sense if you were drunk off your ass and too intoxicated to think of the consequences that come with socks, marble floors, and high speeds.

 The Captain and President Obama sped back down the hall pushing Tony in the chair. For a second he felt like he was flying and then he really was flying. Anthony Edward Stark was the first man to fly… straight into a wall after his two intoxicated buddies slipped in their socks and lost control of the chair. The two men rushed over to the possibly injured man promising anything he wished for and apologizing profusely. Tony grinned deliriously and made the best decision his alcohol rotted and possibly brain damaged head could manage.

* * *

 

**A Random Guest Bedroom**

  Tony was back in the chair again and enjoying a sight that would last a lifetime. The three men had passed around a bottle of whiskey to numb the pain from their grand hallway crash and had snuck into one of the guest bedrooms within the White House to fulfill Tony’s new request. The lights in the room were dimmed, the Captain and the President had their backs to him posing identically in their matching scant attire. A low pulsating beat started to fill the room giving it a sexy nightclub vibe. Tony watched as the beat dropped and the men's hips swished in opposite directions, gyrating to the beat of My Humps by the Black eyed peas. As he watched them drop while rotating their hips in opposite circles he had no problem with the idea of spending his entire fortune on the two perfect American idols. They finally turned around and thrusted their hips in his direction. Whoever said women were the only ones with sizeable humps had never seen these two well built men.

  The Captain and The President strutted over to Tony and teasingly ran their hands over his face and chest before roughly pushing his legs open. Tony gasped and prepared himself for a wild ride. Steve strutted behind the chair and blindly felt Tony up while Obama ground his hips down in Tony’s lap. He resisted the urge to grab the round perky behind in front of him. Steve moved to the side of the chair and ghosted his lips over Tony’s face and neck. He groaned when the Captain let his tongue flick out and teasingly lick at his neck before he strutted back to the President, ass bouncing with every step. The song started to chant "mix your milk with my coco puff" as Obama and Steve ground against each other, bulges growing with the friction. Steve dropped suddenly in front of Obama into a split, gyrating his hips into the floor. Tony felt like he might die from the amount of sexy in front of him. The two men strutted back over to him and each put a leg next to him, thrusting towards his face and teasingly running their hands down their bodies. Steve turned to shake his perfect butt in Tony’s face while Obama dropped low and teased around Tony’s crotch, rolling his hips and shaking his ass in the man’s lap.

 As the song came to a close both men disappeared behind Tony’s chair with identical seductive winks. The song started playing the ‘seductive’ breathing and the men strutted from behind the chair butt naked except for an American flag sock covering their junk. The men in front of him grinned and began to helicopter until the song ended. Tony swallowed roughly, feeling the uncomfortable bulge in his pants now that his mind stopped racing from the dancing men.

  "Did you like the show Mr. President?" Steve asked in a seductive voice. Tony nodded silently not trusting his voice at the moment. " There’s more where that came from if you're interested." The two men grabbed either of Tony’s hand and led him towards the bed and pushed them down onto it, climbing in beside him. Obama turned Tony’s face towards him and kissed him deeply. Tony barely had time to sink into the kiss with the President before Steve was pulling their lips together for his own kiss. Steve pulled away and started to make out with Obama above him. One of them reached down and grabbed at Tony’s crotch. A gasp escaped the man’s lip and the combo of pleasure, alcohol and the head injury made him pass out.

* * *

 

**The Guest Bedroom**

**Now**

  Tony came back from the guest bathroom with his head pounding. The two men from his wild night passed out on opposite sides of the bed. The fact that he still had on his clothes and both sleeping men were still scantily clad in their socks made him sigh in relief. Too many times had he woken up hungover and full of regrets, how awkward would it be to have to deal with that with his teammate and The fucking President. The Captain started to wake with a groan and a mumbled string of curses. Stark shushed him when they made eye contact and motioned towards the still sleeping President.

  "Holy shit." the Captain snatched a pillow from the bed and put it on his junk, scanning the room for the rest of his clothes. Tony gave him a pointed look and the cap glared at him, keeping him silent for the moment. The Captain scanned the room again, gaze stopping on the chair and discarded underwear. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. " Holy shit." he puffed out a humorless laugh.

  "Language." Tony coughed. The Captain grabbed another pillow and launched it at his asshole team mate. It hit Tony square in the face and he winced, still feeling the effects of his head injury and hangover.

  " I can’t believe I got that drunk." he groaned and moved the pillow from his lap, blushing when Tony’s gaze went to his crotch. He got up and shuffled awkwardly towards his underwear staring unsure which pair was his.

  " Yeah, so much for those ‘Mind Erasers’ I'm pretty sure both of us and Sleeping Beauty over there remember everything." A semi-awkward silence passed between the two men as they avoided each other's eyes.

  Steve spoke up quietly. " Do you regret it?" Tony gave him an unreadable look and a once over with his eyes. Steve blushed realizing he still hadn't put on his underwear. He quickly grabbed pair and slipped them on, praying to Odin that they were his.

  Tony took a deep breath. He didn’t regret it, minus the hallway crash which led to good things anyway,so… " I think it was ah… a learning experience.” Steve looked up at him and nodded. He paused for a second and smiled a small smile.

  "Well I think I’d like to learn more.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the corny ending but thank you for reading my insane little fic. Feedback is appreciated. Who knows this might become a series. ;)


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